Funny story, I erroneously threw `UseRoaming no` on my server config and freaked the fuck out when I couldn't get into via SSH.

Six rescue sessions later, I figured out it shouldn't have been there ...

In the future, I'm definitely going to read documentation & test config files (sshd -t -f /path/to/sshd_config, in this case)

EDIT: Moral of the story, I am not a smart person sometimes.