Personally, I'm using ejabberd, but I wouldn't recommend it. Don't have any good tutorial links at hand, sorry.

I'd agree with /u/problems suggestion to try Prosody. http://prosody.im/doc/install + http://prosody.im/doc/configure + http://prosody.im/doc/dns#srv_records + http://prosody.im/doc/certificates are probably all you have to do to get it up and running.