> ...work by its very nature is doing something you don't want to do because they're paying you...
I emphasize with this, and work certainly has this aspect, but I think there's a better way to think about it: the nature of work is doing something valuable to somebody else for money. You don't get money for doing something you dislike and, crucially, people will still pay you to do useful things even if you enjoy them!
The practical upside is that it is possible to find work you enjoy. There is nothing wrong with prioritizing this as much as you are able, and you shouldn't feel guilty once you do find work you enjoy. It's easy to internalize a Puritan "work as penance" point of view living in the US, but I think it's not a useful (or accurate) way to think about it.
Of course, none of this changes your conclusion—if you feel this way, you should get some help. And, hell, even if you don't feel these things, chatting with a therapist will probably have a healthy effect on your life.
You're right, it's just that the things I enjoy doing (and do well) aren't valuable to anyone else... golf doesn't pay if you're in the top 1%, you have to be in the top .001% :)
With the skills I have that do pay well, I'm not sure what role I'd enjoy. I always thought being a physical penetration tester would be amazing fun, but those roles usually go to ex military types, not random joes like me with no formal background. I like designing systems, but architects aren't really a "thing" anymore. Writing code all day long is drudgery now.
I certainly should get some help, I'm 99% certain I have unofficially diagnosed ADHD. It just seems like a lot of work figuring out what to do, and then I get distracted by something else I'm doing... heh.
There's a good chance that whatever that is work you will stop enjoying even if you liked doing it before. Look at the large amount of people that play video games for a living that essentially stopped enjoying those games.
I emphasize with this, and work certainly has this aspect, but I think there's a better way to think about it: the nature of work is doing something valuable to somebody else for money. You don't get money for doing something you dislike and, crucially, people will still pay you to do useful things even if you enjoy them!
The practical upside is that it is possible to find work you enjoy. There is nothing wrong with prioritizing this as much as you are able, and you shouldn't feel guilty once you do find work you enjoy. It's easy to internalize a Puritan "work as penance" point of view living in the US, but I think it's not a useful (or accurate) way to think about it.
Of course, none of this changes your conclusion—if you feel this way, you should get some help. And, hell, even if you don't feel these things, chatting with a therapist will probably have a healthy effect on your life.