Saagar - I haven't laughed this hard in months. Thank you for writing this - the bit about "Medium article we found that had something to do with multi-armed bandits" got me on the floor. Laughing during this time feels so so good, and I didn't realize how much I needed that!
You too! And wrt to $HYPED_TECHNOLOGY - we at $GIANT_CO originally created it to solve some challenges, as one of the primary authors I'm starting $PERCY_JACKSON_CHARACTER_CO that provides commercial support and some extra features (honestly - just RBAC with LDAP and some light UI).
We added SSO, please pay us $30k extra. Also, pay us another $30k to be hosted on our Enterprise SLA guarantees, which actually just runs on the same hardware as the rest of our customers, but hey, whatever, you've got money.
