a summer trip to visit Poland and the Ukraine in search of her family’s origin, her father’s birthplace, a concentration camp that had since been wiped off the map... When she toured Auschwitz with an entirely French-speaking group, at the end of the tour, she asked the guide, in French, “Why is no one crying? But me?”
The piece also alludes to "unspeakable" things happening in her childhood.
Some things are incredibly hard to put down. Sometimes a person's childhood casts a dark shadow over the rest of their life. Like a deep shadow in winter where the snow refuses to melt even though the sun has come out and the temperatures have risen, sometimes the cold and dark of childhood refuses to leave one, no matter how hard they try to resolve it and no matter how much time has passed.
This text really captures the feelings of a mourning person and i could feel a great connection.
" My dear Molly—I’m so sorry. I really tried. I know you really tried, too. I love you forever. "
After all the context i had after reading the preceding lines, this hit me like a wall of bricks. Everybody who knows what tragic loss feels like can connect here.
Would not have expected feel so much browsing through HN. I hope the author finds a way to live with his loss.
"One summer, she collected bits of moss each time we went out and built a bank of it under the window where she would sit in bed and write. She could lay for hours like that, typing surrounded by books and snacks and pillows with the lights off. I never understood how she could write that way until after she was gone, and I no longer had the will to sit up straight."
This is a very sad, though beautifully written, piece on a tragic character who, in all reality, is probably not as interesting as the post seems to suggest.
But I don't care. Some of the loves I've lost in my life in hindsight weren't what I thought they were at the time. And that's okay, because I need that memory to be there for me.
In contrast to your reading of this piece, I found it not only touching but it awakened my interest in her work. I don't share your assessment that she was a "character who, in all reality, is probably not as interesting as the post seems to suggest". But then again, I'm not even sure what you mean by that.
Thank you for being open-minded enough to understand. In life there are many self-imposed halo effects on the people you love. I believe this is one of them. Honestly I've had too many deep stare-downs in the world of addiction, sickness, and loneliness - I choose to forget many of them. There has been a Molly (though we never married) in my past, too. But 20+ years forward the effect she had on me has eroded and left behind a truth of who she really was that's raw and unforgiving. But I want to remember the "Molly" of my life that was fun and carefree. And maybe I'm casting my own experiences here on the author, most likely I am. Things like this are hard to put into words.
I am choosing to read it as, “I found this interesting but fear HN may not.” Best I can do as it feels right to assume the best after reading the linked piece.
It all makes perfect sense. When you decide to kill yourself, that is: the thoughts make perfect, logical sense. There's no fear when you truly want to die, you just get up off the couch, walk into the bathroom, down several bottles of pills, lie down with your cat, and wait for the end. If you choose to do it with a gun, however, the cops can't bust in to prevent it.
In case it is helpful, I'll copy over the text from the top of the article.
If you are feeling suicidal, thinking about hurting yourself, or are concerned that someone you know may be in danger of hurting themselves, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). It is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and is staffed by certified crisis response professionals.
You can find help in locating a mental health professional by calling the number above, or consulting the National Mental Health Information Center at www.mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/databases/
I'm fine, just colouring the conversation a bit, people think it's impossible to choose to do something like this, but it's quite possible for a human brain to logically conclude it shouldn't exist.
The piece also alludes to "unspeakable" things happening in her childhood.
Some things are incredibly hard to put down. Sometimes a person's childhood casts a dark shadow over the rest of their life. Like a deep shadow in winter where the snow refuses to melt even though the sun has come out and the temperatures have risen, sometimes the cold and dark of childhood refuses to leave one, no matter how hard they try to resolve it and no matter how much time has passed.