Is there a correct way to ask about your family background/ ethnicity/whatever? For context, I am a white English-seeming (but not actually) person in London.
I never ask, as I don't want to offend, however I am often quite curious. Not because I doubt anyone's claim to being British - most British Indians are likely more British than I am. Usually, I just want to talk about food, ask if you've been to India, hear your life experiences, reminisce about when I visited India, etc.
One of my favourite work relationships was with an older Indian man who, when he found out I was vegetarian and liked Indian food, he would bring me food his wife had made and give me recipes to cook myself. Sadly he died of Covid, but I still cook the recipes he gave me often - albeit with less ghee.
I feel like it's a little sad that racists have made it hard to talk about any issue touching on ethnicity without worrying that one may be coming from a place of hatred or aggression. My girlfriend is a Filipina so I can pick up the accent, and when I was making small talk with someone I asked if they were from the Philippines. They said yes, but instantly clammed up and didn't really talk to me for the rest of the interaction. But hey, I'm autistic so maybe I'm misunderstanding what I did wrong.
As a visible minority who has lived in a western country for more than 2 decades I bristle every time I'm asked this question.
The majority of the time it isn't asked from a place of genuine curiosity but as a way of boxing you in and "other"ing you. I shouldn't need to justify my existence to you just because my skin color stands out.
Also restricting your exploration to just food topics doesn't make you curious or cultured. There's more to experiencing a culture than looking up a recipe online, going to an "authentic" restaurant or going backpacking while surrounded by expats of a similar cultural background as you.
Ultimately I'm not a zoo animal for you to poke or probe at. I'm a complicated individual with my own personal story just like you are & I deserve the same respect I give you.
How would you feel if I just met you and started interrogating you on whether you are an Angle, Saxon or a Jute?
Now how would you feel if every single non-white person you met asked you this dozens of times over the span of a decade?
I'm not restricting my exploration to food, it's just people often like to talk about food. It's the cultural equivalent of talking about the weather. Hopefully things can get deeper after that.
Obviously I can't know what it's like to be asked this kind of thing constantly for years, but I can say that travelling in non-white countries as a white person, you do get asked that kind of stuff a lot (or people touch my hair, beard, talk about how tall I am etc.). Or stuff about Scotland or the royal family. I've never minded, but perhaps after years it would get annoying.
I never ask, as I don't want to offend, however I am often quite curious. Not because I doubt anyone's claim to being British - most British Indians are likely more British than I am. Usually, I just want to talk about food, ask if you've been to India, hear your life experiences, reminisce about when I visited India, etc.
One of my favourite work relationships was with an older Indian man who, when he found out I was vegetarian and liked Indian food, he would bring me food his wife had made and give me recipes to cook myself. Sadly he died of Covid, but I still cook the recipes he gave me often - albeit with less ghee.
I feel like it's a little sad that racists have made it hard to talk about any issue touching on ethnicity without worrying that one may be coming from a place of hatred or aggression. My girlfriend is a Filipina so I can pick up the accent, and when I was making small talk with someone I asked if they were from the Philippines. They said yes, but instantly clammed up and didn't really talk to me for the rest of the interaction. But hey, I'm autistic so maybe I'm misunderstanding what I did wrong.