I have gone through periods of social awkwardness and the opposite- social confidence. It absolutely has everything to do with my own perception and opinion of myself- my self-confidence. Duh, right?
What makes you confident? The answer, for me at least, is "feeling like I'm good at the thing that matters."
I was awkward in middle school- I didn't understand the general social dynamic. I was "too smart" and didn't fit in. In high school I started working out, started going to parties, suddenly realized that the opposite sex was attracted to me, too- and became very confident.
I was therefore confident in college... but became awkward halfway through. I wasn't making good grades in my EE courses- I had never learned how to study! I was now the opposite of "too smart". I started smoking too much weed and became reclusive. I went through a number of girlfriends and hurt some friendships. I was now back to being awkward.
This didn't change until I graduated and got a job. At that point I was probably the MOST awkward I have ever felt. I didn't know what I was doing at work (electric utility). I was losing touch with friends. I broke up with my long-term girlfriend. This all changed when... yep, you guessed it, I got good at work. I also met an amazing woman (who I am now married to) who really helped me build my emotional intelligence. I am now confident in my life.
So what I've learned, for me at least, is my confidence is a function of if I'm thriving in the environment I find myself in. If you are in a toxic environment- get out. If you're not fit for your environment- get good. I really do think it is just that simple.
What makes you confident? The answer, for me at least, is "feeling like I'm good at the thing that matters."
I was awkward in middle school- I didn't understand the general social dynamic. I was "too smart" and didn't fit in. In high school I started working out, started going to parties, suddenly realized that the opposite sex was attracted to me, too- and became very confident.
I was therefore confident in college... but became awkward halfway through. I wasn't making good grades in my EE courses- I had never learned how to study! I was now the opposite of "too smart". I started smoking too much weed and became reclusive. I went through a number of girlfriends and hurt some friendships. I was now back to being awkward.
This didn't change until I graduated and got a job. At that point I was probably the MOST awkward I have ever felt. I didn't know what I was doing at work (electric utility). I was losing touch with friends. I broke up with my long-term girlfriend. This all changed when... yep, you guessed it, I got good at work. I also met an amazing woman (who I am now married to) who really helped me build my emotional intelligence. I am now confident in my life.
So what I've learned, for me at least, is my confidence is a function of if I'm thriving in the environment I find myself in. If you are in a toxic environment- get out. If you're not fit for your environment- get good. I really do think it is just that simple.