There's a kind of cosmic internet irony attached to throwing a tl;dr on an article about writing good essays.

A woefully inadequate tl;dr at that. A real summary would be nice though. In another piece of irony, I think it would have benefited from a thesis statement. It's hard to tell what it's really saying, at least after the first run-through.

Every academic paper has an abstract.

I apologize for the (apparently) bad summary.