I think you're just trying to salvage an incorrect application of the term, and I don't think we're going to get much further here.
As an aside to that, your last phrase a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects highlights a significant difference between British and American irony. In the US, you can choose to wear an ironic t-shirt. With British irony, you can't - irony is something that is unintentional (it can be known, just not intended). As soon as you intend to do it in any way, it's deliberate or expected and so becomes unironic.
I've heard British people claim that American's don't 'get' irony but i've never heard it claimed that there's a difference between 'American and British irony.'
In my experience the irony police are usually unwilling to consider the full subtext of someone's statement when they describe it as ironic. For instance people often say things like 'ironic, isn't it - beautiful weather all week and then when we finally decide to throw a barbecue, it rains. ' This is of course just bad luck, but people like to jokingly invoke some sense of fate conspiring against them. Or, someone might consciously wear an 'ironic t-shirt', and people consciously recognise the intent, but the unspoken subtext that maintains the irony is that there is some other observer or potential wearer who would be unaware of the incongruity.
As an aside to that, your last phrase a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects highlights a significant difference between British and American irony. In the US, you can choose to wear an ironic t-shirt. With British irony, you can't - irony is something that is unintentional (it can be known, just not intended). As soon as you intend to do it in any way, it's deliberate or expected and so becomes unironic.