FWIW, if my memory is in any way accurate, 10 y.o. is about the age I stopped discussing a class of topics with my parent, after one too many times of me wanting to share something important and feeling ignored. My parents lost a window into a chunk of my life then, and honestly, never really regained to this day.
It sounds stupid even to me now, but it's really not easy to fix such things at the age of 30+. Those emotional wounds were deep, even if in retrospect silly and unintentional. Deep enough to change how the 10 y.o. me saw himself in relation to the world. And I only first realized what happened around 18-20 y.o., by which time I was well used to never fully opening up in front of my family. It's like a "default setting" burned into the wetware at this point - something I have to consciously struggle to overcome even to this day.
So yeah, it's likely a disconnected parent, not deceptive child. But "disconnected" tends to imply the parent doesn't care, which I don't think is the case either. Rather, like in my experience, the parent may care very much, but not achieve anything, because the connection has been severed, possibly accidentally, and neither the parent nor the kid are fully aware they've lost that link.
I also kinda feel like that something like that might be normal part of growing up. I dont mean the deep emotional wound you talk about, but the fact that the kid has some own internal life the parent does not have access to. As in, even absent emotional wounds, a kid not reporting every thing schoolmates do, a kid having fantasies and interests the kid keeps for itself might just be part of growing up into adult.
It is not being deceptive on the side of the kids. That framing implies adult are entitled to complete overbearing control and kid is not entitled to have private thoughts. It might be parent being untrustworthy or checked out or oblivious, but if not combined with emotional wounds it might be the kid becoming own person.
Yes that is perfectly normal part of going through pre-adolescence and adolescence. Kids natually try to become/feel more independent and get advices and opinions from other sources.
As a parent you have to accept that from 12y old you will know very little of your kids thoughts and dirty secrets.
There is a reasonable probability that your parents were entirely aware of that chunk of your life, if not in detail at least the broad themes etc - but sensibly allowed it to be a healthy part of your independence and identity.
It sounds stupid even to me now, but it's really not easy to fix such things at the age of 30+. Those emotional wounds were deep, even if in retrospect silly and unintentional. Deep enough to change how the 10 y.o. me saw himself in relation to the world. And I only first realized what happened around 18-20 y.o., by which time I was well used to never fully opening up in front of my family. It's like a "default setting" burned into the wetware at this point - something I have to consciously struggle to overcome even to this day.
So yeah, it's likely a disconnected parent, not deceptive child. But "disconnected" tends to imply the parent doesn't care, which I don't think is the case either. Rather, like in my experience, the parent may care very much, but not achieve anything, because the connection has been severed, possibly accidentally, and neither the parent nor the kid are fully aware they've lost that link.