I have been meaning to write a blog post about this. I think if friends and family don't understand that your work is a priority, they should be cut loose. There are times when you should try to prioritize family. I spoke to that in another comment in this same discussion. (And I was a homemaker and fulltime mom for two decades, so my family was my work.) But unless it is the kind of friend that would happily follow you through the gates of hell, they probably don't deserve more loyalty than your job. And if they are that kind of friend, you probably have a word for them other than "friend", like blood brother or at least best friend.
I appreciate your comments and the level of understanding you showed your husband. I think a lot of your perspective comes from the military life. In that career path refusing to do something or to show up can potentially ruin your career, and it is not as easy to change jobs.
It's probably different for me because I could likely find a new job easily enough, so the consequences are not as severe as if I was back in the military.
From military life. From my dad growing up in The Great Depression. From my mom growing up in Germany during WWII and its aftermath. From devotedly raising two special needs sons and helping them overcome challenges that are supposed to be impossible to overcome. From getting well when that is supposedly impossible. I have yet to figure out how to make enough money from the things I consider my life's work. But I do think it is sacred, paid or not. Sorry if no one here understands that.
I get it and I'm not trying to change your mind. I'm sorry that others here were not very nice today. I'm sure the work you are doing has real meaning and that is why it is important to you. At my job it just means someone gets a little more or less money. I appreciate your insight on the situation I've faced at my job. I obviously took the path you suggested since I'm still here :).
No big. I suddenly have a hugely negative bank balace. My bank is closed, so I can't even address the issue. Makes this bullshit conversation pale in comparison. But thank you for your kindness.
I don't think it has anything to do with your family's attitude towards your work (although I do agree if they put their interests before your priorities they shouldn't be given more importance). Family/friends could be more important than work to someone who derives more satisfaction from them. And in your comment, you seem to imply that a job automatically deserves loyalty (in this age where companies can let you go in the drop of a hat?).
If you see a job as "just another activity one does", no more no less, (doesn't mean the person doesn't give their best, and not demeaning a job here) in the path to overall growth, and has the same importance just like perfecting a hobby in your leisure, you develop a different attitude to it.
My whole point is that work is not sacrosanct. It has no special place. There is nothing in it by its very nature that makes it right to put it above all else. There are other activities one does throughout the day, or maybe every so often, that is more important or needs to be prioritized, IF one feels that way.
A specific job may not be, in which case you should probably be looking for other work. But it has been said that two major themes in life are learning to deal with love and with work. If you need a paycheck to not starve, then your job should be pretty darn important to you whether you like it or not.
I know no one here is going to change my point of view. Maybe you could explain to me why people keep trying to do so while apparently making no effort to understand it when I have repeatedly indicated I would kind of like to bow out of what looks to me to be pointless contention.
"If you need a paycheck to not starve, then your job should be pretty darn important to you whether you like it or not."
This is what I suspected you meant by "importance". Something that you are forced to make important, not important by choice.
And regarding my work, there's no reason for me to look for other work. I love my job. And also love some other activities I do during my day. But my job is not more important.
I know its hard to change a point of view. I just wanted to know where you are coming from. And regarding bowing out, all you need to do is stop responding.
As far as I am concerned, I saw a comment, was curious about the why, and prodded a little. It was a good discussion. Thanks for that and good luck.
Re: bowing out. I have found that simply no longer replying when others are seriously mischaracterizing my remarks causes more problems than it solves. It creates additional work of an onerous sort which can haunt me for months or years. I wish that worked. I really do. But I have not found that it does.
