> But as estrogen levels shift in perimenopause and beyond, this intense drive to please and nurture others begins to diminish. What replaces it isn’t bitterness. It’s clarity.
It's not clear how anxiety, mood swings, brain fog, inability to remember faces, fear, aggression are somehow being called "clarity".
I'd be interested in seeing some of the neuroscience research, because the narrative spun by this post - that the primary reason for a change to the "zero fucks to give" attitude is hormonal and biological - seems weak to me.
I'm also someone (a man FWIW, as the article was mainly focused on the experience of women) who reached an abrupt mental shift in my late forties. And sure, there could be some underlying biological shift I'm not conscious of, but a lot of it is simply that "pretending" at this stage no longer serves a useful purpose, and most people become aware of it at this stage of life.
I love the saying "over the hill" because it gives me a good visual of what's going on. When you're young, and looking up "from the bottom of the hill", you can fantasize about all sorts of possibilities and outcomes that can happen to you. As you age, though, more and more avenues get cut off - you're not going to be the sports, movie or rock star you dreamed of, you're not going to invent a cure for cancer, you're not going to become a billionaire, etc. When you're "over the hill", you can see pretty much into the valley below, and you have to be realistic about the possibilities. I think a lot of people may switch their "people pleasing" ways because they stop fantasizing about the benefits that may happen by "keeping all doors" open. You see you no longer have infinite time left, and you decide where to spend it more wisely. It's like the famous Confucius quote "Every man has two lives, and the second begins when he realizes he has only one."
One reason I didn't like this essay is that it seems to be trying, ironically, to explain this change in perspective/behavior, and the negative response that can come from it, especially for women, as a "biological/hormonal consequence". The whole point of having "no fucks left to give" is that you don't care how others respond to your less pleasing attitude. If you're still trying to explain it so you can understand (or try to ignore) other's negative responses, I feel like you've missed the point.
