I have to admit I was frightened when I heard of hikikomori. I am not Japanese, but I have a tendency for staying at home, sometimes for as much as a couple or three days. I thought I might be or end up like them.
I have what you would call a successfull full-time job as a programmer and my tendency for staying home was so that I could hack on things I wanted. The pressure however to try and stay ahead of the curve has always been there. Some of it came from parents and society (I'm not American either) but I would say most of it came from me seeing no future ahead of me if I got stuck at the country I was from. I would have gotten by, but I doubt I'd be happy. I'd be on a grim path. I probably felt I was a bit ahead of this curve to not be affected, but now that I'm getting older (35) I'm starting to wonder if I really fenced it off. I'm still unmarried and like to stay home; just in a different country.
What makes it hard for me to connect is not a presence of pressure to do well, but a lack of authenticity in people or events going around in the several places I've lived in the US. I'm talking about a connection. Even as a teenager I would feel some sort of connection with people around me. Now it seems there isn't enough of a will in people to do the same. Whatever dense ingredient was there has now dissipated or distributed over by time or a larger moving population.
When I read of hikikomori, I ended up writing a blog/site to record such connections. Here it is if you find it useful: hikigo com. I like these small reminders that there's enough beauty if you care enough to observe it. I never posted this site anywhere until now, because the anonymity of it is what i like most about it - as a sort of protest to the social Facebook pressure.
The challenge seems to be in finding or creating friendship circles with similar or compatible values/outlook. In a busy fragmented society, you have to work in a deliberate and persistent way at that. I've concluded that a key thing to do is to pursue my passions and find IRL communities that share them.
I have what you would call a successfull full-time job as a programmer and my tendency for staying home was so that I could hack on things I wanted. The pressure however to try and stay ahead of the curve has always been there. Some of it came from parents and society (I'm not American either) but I would say most of it came from me seeing no future ahead of me if I got stuck at the country I was from. I would have gotten by, but I doubt I'd be happy. I'd be on a grim path. I probably felt I was a bit ahead of this curve to not be affected, but now that I'm getting older (35) I'm starting to wonder if I really fenced it off. I'm still unmarried and like to stay home; just in a different country.
What makes it hard for me to connect is not a presence of pressure to do well, but a lack of authenticity in people or events going around in the several places I've lived in the US. I'm talking about a connection. Even as a teenager I would feel some sort of connection with people around me. Now it seems there isn't enough of a will in people to do the same. Whatever dense ingredient was there has now dissipated or distributed over by time or a larger moving population.
When I read of hikikomori, I ended up writing a blog/site to record such connections. Here it is if you find it useful: hikigo com. I like these small reminders that there's enough beauty if you care enough to observe it. I never posted this site anywhere until now, because the anonymity of it is what i like most about it - as a sort of protest to the social Facebook pressure.
I hope it stays that way.