I threw this up real quick. Was inspired by a comment on reddit: "Are we really still fucking calling these "Fast lanes?" Fast lanes sound good! We should be talking about "Slow lanes" since that is what you will be on if you don't pay up."
Also inspired by Brad Feld's suggestion (I think it was) that we all just throttle our servers so we can give people a taste of what the slow lane feels like.
I think this is a great tactic to raise awareness, but what you're presenting right now doesn't really make the case.
You're not giving the viewer any sort of meaningful reference point. Indeed, what you're showing them shouldn't feel like a fast lane, since you're not one of the established players paying for one!
A more effective narrative should throw into relief the gradual transformation of a non-neutral net. Visualize how when the big players can pay to get to you faster, everyone else gets (relatively) slower.
Also inspired by Brad Feld's suggestion (I think it was) that we all just throttle our servers so we can give people a taste of what the slow lane feels like.