At some point, after basic needs are met, every working person is forced to answer the following question with respect to the toll work takes on his or her family: is it worth it?
It takes courage to say "no" and make a clean cut. Kudos to this gentleman for doing what his family needs him to do.
I recently confronted a similar situation (though the stakes were vastly smaller when viewed externally). I am moving from being a full time employee to a contractor where I can control my hours and spend time with my children as they grow up. At least that's the plan!
I've always been of the opinion that once you have X dollars (for some definition of X, which fluctuates), time is worth far more than money. This opinion has only been reinforced by the arrival of my children.
(I do recognize how lucky I am that I have a choice.)
To me that X is the amount needed to just survive, maybe a little more. Right now I'm working far more that I'd like, that is, making far more money than I need, since I'm far from being a big spender but I love having time for studying or for long walks at the beach (my most expensive vice is in fact studying, which is far cheaper in my country than in the US). It sucks that in practice there's no way to work less than 40 hours a week, and less than 11 months a year, save for being unemployed (for quite a few reasons, becoming a freelance would not improve that for me).
Right now, with my savings, I could expend 2 or 3 years without working, but there is an implicit blackmail (companies don't hire you if you have been unemployed for too long) that prevents me from taking a long sabbatical.
However, like you, I still recognize that I'm lucky. Some people don't have the option of having even a month without a job.
My X varied wildly over time, but definitely has grown since I got married, bought a house, had a family, etc.
I'm not sure what your career is, but that's a real bummer that the 40 hour a week grind is your only choice. Maybe a different career would be a better fit?
Do companies really discriminate if you've been unemployed for a few years, even with good reason?
I've never heard of that before, and would be interested in knowing how common it is.
Yes many of them do discriminate against those that are unemployed whether it be forced or on purpose. I took a 11 month sabbatical a few years ago and there were many interviewers that just wouldn't believe that I purposefully stopped working. I kept my college habits after gaining my first 'career' position which allowed me to save up a bunch of money. Working in horrible environments and extremely stressful jobs caused a bad personal situation (where questions way beyond burnout such as "why am I even bothering at all" started to be common every day) that I just had to get away. I spent a small portion of the saved up money to do "nothing." Looking back I should have done more things with my time but, as always, I can't go back and change it.
Sometimes certain people just need a real break. I think 2 weeks of vacation is complete bullshit and the main reason why so many Americans are miserable, and misery loves company. So many people live day-to-day, week-to-week that they just can't even imagine those of us that are responsible with our money and savings. In the end, I honestly believe they were just jealous they would never be in a position where they could just walk away from everything. It sucks, but I found a job after it and I was 100% honest with everyone when asked why I took the time off. I had nothing to hide. It took a week and a day of full time searching/interviewing to find a position with a decent company on the way up even during the recent recession. I'm glad those interviewers "cut" me from their list of potential hires because I wouldn't want to work with people like that anyway. I still want to be my own boss, but I'm not there yet.
Some do, but even the ones that do not have no way of knowing if your reasons are "good". "I traveled the world to discover myself" can mean "I actually traveled the world" or "I'm unhireable and trying to plug gaps in my resume in hard-to-verify ways".
Was applying recently in the SF bay area, unemployed with a one year gap in my resume. Got an interview with > 75% of my applications. No one really questioned why I wasn't working, or seemed put off by it. I was travelling, but I could just as easily have been ill, pregnant, in jail, etc.
What exactly is this comment supposed to mean? I'm reading a severe level of disdain for valuing one's family, and I strongly disagree with that, but I don't want to get into that discussion if that's not how you meant that comment.
I just think it's interesting that when I was at a major portal/search company, it seemed like one bigwig or another would leave "to spend more time with my family" every month or two. I mean, we were getting our ass kicked; it seemed like every time we got a new head of X, they were going to "turn things around" - so it makes total sense that high-level heads would be rolling when things failed to turn around, but we'd all roll our eyes when we got these emails.
I don't want to take away from the validity of spending more time with your family or what have you; I prefer working part-time myself, when I can make it happen.
This looks way more sincere and well-written than most such notes; The notes we got at this company usually looked like they were written by an HR person. this reads like the man wrote it himself rather than handing it off to some HR flack, and it certainly feels true. It's well written, and after reading it, I think better of him, and really, even if he is being pushed out, there's no shame in leaving gracefully.
I'm not a CEO, but a working dad. I find that I have met little resistance when I get up to pick up my kids at 5:30 or refuse travel (video chat is cheaper than airfare). Being constantly connected is really helpful. I have my work email and IM on my phone. I can respond to a message in between dinner and bath time. I don't think I'd ever accept a job that didn't let me get away with those things.
I haven't gotten push back on those sorts of things, either. However, people still assume that my wife is a stay-at-home mom (she's not) and they talk about women balancing careers and family, but rarely men. The daycare generally doesn't talk to me about my child because they assume that is my wife's area of responsibility.
If you want to make it easier for my wife to pursue a career, you have to make it easier for me to take care of our daughter (without me quitting and becoming a stay-at-home dad). The sort of thing I am talking about is allowing a shorter work week, giving more vacation time, giving family leave that doesn't involve using my sick leave allowance, and so on. Above all, people need to understand that children (usually) have two parents. These things need to become normal.
It probably depends quite a bit on the people starting the company. Our CEO, myself (CTO), and one of our developers are all fathers with children under 3 years old at home. A woman on our sales/support team recently took a chunk of time to have a baby, and has returned to working initially very few, now slowly-increasing hours.
We all work remotely, and sometimes at rather odd hours, to make this balance possible. It's not always easy, of course, but we figure it out.
If you're trying to actually have a presence in your kids' lives but no one else at work seems to have that facet in their lives, you're on your own, and your work (and peace of mind!) are going to suffer as you try to pass for a non-parent. But if you're working for people who know what you're dealing with, they can offer flexibility that non-parenting employees wouldn't need, share strategies and options, and trade stories.
This week, I've interviewed two candidates for senior developer roles who both have small children at home; I'm actually not sure if they were specifically interviewing with us because we're getting a rep for being parent-supportive, but that'd be interesting.
I can remember the other side of this; long before I ever thought about having kids, I remember when a fellow developer had his first child. He only took off for a week or so (we had 10 days vacation a year, and he stuck to that!), but then he would stumble into the office looking pale and his work went to hell. And of course his wife was home with the baby by herself all day, while he was at the office being mostly useless.
It didn't occur to me at the time that there might be a better way to handle it; though of course at the time it wasn't up to me anyway.
Thank you for posting this. I am a relatively new father, and I find myself thinking along similar lines: possibly the best job I have ever had, but if the right opportunity comes along for my wife, I would probably quit and follow her. Unfortunately, for financial and logistical reasons it is not a terribly good idea for me to quit now. Moreover, the possibility of working fewer hours doesn't readily exist though short periods of leave without pay is a possibility which I am getting closer to taking.
It is frustrating that no one talks about men balancing work and family.
I applaud this decision. It is very easy to get sucked into "Well, I need to do this so I can support my family, etc." which is by no means a bad idea. After all, every loving parent/spouse wants their family to be stable and well provided for.
At some point - after your work has paid off and you find yourself in a relatively stable place - it is worth asking that question. Success [in terms of finances, accomplishments, etc.] means nothing if you have no one to share it with[1]. I'm glad you made the difficult decision to invest in the people you love and care about. Kudos.
[1] By that, I'm not saying we should overlook the impact one's 'success' [ a loosely defined term] has on others. It is always hard to decide between solving a problem - especially one which you are passionate about - and investing in the people you love.
TL;DR: Wealthy man chooses to be less wealthy to be with his family.
Which is not something you hear often. I'm sure the guy could have moved his family across the country. However, the kids would have lost their friends, his wife her family. Instead, he stepped down to step up for his family.
Would YOU give up a CEO salary? I'm not sure I would.
While it is true that he had a choice, let's not belittle the difficulty of the decision. This isn't just about "some job". This is choosing to give up one passion to pursue others.
But yes, I agree (and I think he would too) that he is lucky to be in a position in life where he can actually choose.
It's interesting how the mainstream media keep screaming how sexist geeks are for not "accepting" women, but at the same time totally ignoring each and every issue any member of any not-unprivileged group has. All the while I (a self-professed geek) am wondering how my coworker manages both working 9-7 5days a week and being a dad to his 2weeks old twin daughters...
Hopefully we all "always" leave the best job we ever had. For example, the best job I ever had when I was 15 was working at deli. I left that job for my new "best job I ever had," which was at a nursery and garden center. Etc. Obviously, we can all step "backwards," too, but generally most people leave the "best job they ever had" most of the time they change jobs. Anyways! I guess I just laid down some downvote and/or trolling bait? Just bear in mind that what I wrote was intended to to be positive, uplifting, and forward looking. It's all about the journey. There is no "destination."
A very brave decision to make, especially given the growth MongoDB is experiencing at the moment.
With that said I would like to add that as an early adopter of the technology (read; most of our company's software is built with MongoDB as the storage tier) I'm less than impressed with the technical leadership shown there. In other words, I'm not overly familiar with Dev Ittycheria and I'm sure he's a capable replacement for Max Schireson but what they really need is a new technical leadership. There are some properly questionable technical decisions being made or postponed that damage the reputation, maturity and usability of their tech.
Glad to see such transparency here from another dad. As a father of two we often bite the bullet and sometimes loose track of work/life balance. Time with loved ones is the most valuable asset a person can ever have. I'm sure this story will inspire other's to reevaluate their path.
I recently changed my working hours from 7-3 so I can pickup my kids from school. This way I get to spend more time with with and not put them in after hours care.
What are others doing to get more work/life balance?
Regardless of what I think about MongoDB the database, this man seems like a good leader based on his honesty. Showing this much vulnerability in public isn't something CEOs usually do without a public scandal.
I'm curious if this guy is a professional manager or grew into this role as a founder. Because this sort of communication doesn't strike me as the sort of thing that would come out of the keyboard of an MBA or career manager.
Theoretically I am a career manager but I feel more like a hybrid between that and an entrepreneur. I have done mostly management roles but more on the technical side, some individual contributor stints, and joined my last two companies quite early (8 employees and 27).
A quick gander at his Linkedin shows about 2 decades of management experience. Either way, CEO's don't usually voluntarily step down at all unless they're retiring, so of course a statement like this would be unusual. He's making a wise move to get out in front of potential scandal rumors by making a post that essentially says that he wants to spend more time with his family. A perfectly understandable move, even for a career manager.
Amazing post from someone who's done amazing things and has an amazing life. He's also done a great job of highlighting the different expectations and demands between men and women in the workplace. This reminds me of someone else who changed directions in life but received a surprisingly large amount of criticism. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ellen-huerta/why-i-left-google...) I have the suspicion that Schireson will not get the same amount of criticism that Huerta received when she wrote her article. But in any case, it will be interesting to see how Schireson's post will be received.
As the son of a mother who gave up her full-time (and lucrative) career to raise her kids, I applaud you for having the courage to speak out on this. Witnessing how cousins of mine turned out (one parent was CEO of a major international firm, the other an accomplished investor), I will always remain indebted to my parents for making the choices they did.
Both women and men can have it all, but not everything at the same time. Best of luck in your new roles at MongoDB and with your family.
I'm not saying that this is happening here, but isn't the standard line when a c level is pushed out that they are leaving to spend more time with their family?
Unless your hypothetical medical advances include more energy and physical flexibility, I'm guessing you're either not anywhere close to sixty or don't have kids. My wife and I (who don't have kids) have discussed that we don't even want a puppy (in contrast to adopting an adult dog) when we're sixty, let alone a kid. Our last puppy was six years ago, and we've sworn off them since. :-)
Try convincing the Baby Boomers that, aside from not having a retirement any time soon, and aside from having their kids moving back home, they will be moving back with their significant other and get their own families started on Boomer's dime.
It's like that pop-psi tale about the guy who never knew what chicken breast tasted like. When being a child, his mother reserved the breast for the father because "he's the one who keeps us fed and clothed". Later when he was a grown up, his wife reserved the breast for the children because "they deserve the very best".
The irony being that the breast is the least-flavourful, blandest part of the chicken, and all those years he was actually dining on the best bits without knowing?
It takes courage to say "no" and make a clean cut. Kudos to this gentleman for doing what his family needs him to do.