Popular belief among those lacking social grace. It is quite easy to disagree with people without being impolite about it. All it requires is a bit social intelligence and basic good manners. Being an asshole and trying to excuse it with "I'm just being honest" just makes you a far bigger asshole.
Hmm, good example I saw today - this was at Pike's Place Market in Seattle if anyone's interested. Very narrow street with slanted parking spaces. Guy was stopped waiting for someone to back out of a space (presumably so he can take the space). Guy behind completely oblivious, thinks guy ahead is just stopped, and starts honking like a madman.
Passerby goes up, bangs violently on the window, and proceeds the tell the guy to STFU, and generally being angry at the (admittedly clueless) driver. Shouting match ensues and almost gets physical.
One has to wonder why the passerby couldn't have knocked on the window and just calmly informed the driver that there was an obstruction ahead - this seems like it would've solved everyone's problems without any trouble.
Sure, the passerby was correct in that the driver was clueless, inconsiderate, and lacking in manners himself, but his approach was lacking in tact, and created more problems than it solved.
The mind knows how, but the soul is unwilling. I know how to tiptoe around people, but I greatly prefer being combative.
Which explains why my adviser is currently holding the contents of my bookshelf locked in her office until I comply with her demands. Score by her, but I tend to win these battles by not giving a shit.
Good graces will take you far in life. from the utilitarian perspective, the emotional valence of the message ("sugar coating") does not impact the veracity of the semantic content. While this is true, humans are not rational fact-processing machines. We are primarily emotional and irrational creatures with a fleeting capacity for logic and reason. For many technologists, this is something we lament. However, our emotions are not that complicated... they are just governed more by expectations than by facts. If you learn to guide someone gently from one expectation to another, then you will learn to avoid triggering their defense mechanisms and have a much easier time being effective at communication and achieving your goals. Especially if this is difficult for you, I suggest that you take some time to study meat computers.
> Especially if this is difficult for you, I suggest that you take some time to study meat computers.
I do, and I have. I just wanted to say that it's one of the most challenging things I've ever worked on in my life. I still occasionally slip up, but in the main I've killed the impulse to argue combatively.
When I mean honest, I mean honest both literally and emotionally. If I see bullshit, then I actually call it bullshit, instead of calling it "innaccurate." While the two terms may be similar in meaning, they are not equivalent.
At the end of the day it is about what you want to get out of the situation. Do you simply want to vent your frustrations and make yourself feel better, or do you actually want to try to do something constructive to improve the situation? While the former may be more satisfying in short run, working with people and being constructive is often better for everyone in the long run.
I'm not saying you should never simply call bullshit, but before you do you should analyse the situation and the people involved and try to work out what your best course of action is given the result you want to achieve. Going with your first instinct is often satisfying, but rarely optimal.
