Yeah. I'm similar too. I guess I was almost a hikikomori at one point. I was basically nocturnal and really afraid of social situations. But I was kinda forced into society by having to get a job and stuff; my parents weren't going to look after me.
I haven't been single for very long at all over the past 15 years, but I have very little social interaction. In the past I would force myself to go out to avoid being single and lonely. But every single time I've been in a relationship I shy away from this. I used to think I should force myself to do it, like how some people force themselves to exercise, but now I think why should I force myself to do something I don't want to do for my whole life? It's clear at this point it's part of my nature and won't change. Who am I trying to impress? I just want to be alone most of the time. It's as simple as that. I work from home 5 days a week and I've never been happier.
It's not that I hate every second of socialising but it's just not how I want to spend my life. I often tell people it's like going into a sauna. Yeah, you'll go in and enjoy it, but the most important thing is getting out. Nobody wants to spend their whole life in a sauna.
Yeah, I get it. I have friends, I like my friends (else I wouldn't be friends with them), and I like socializing with them, but it almost never even occurs to me to invite them out to do something. Stuff like that kind of makes me a little anxious.
It's also gotten worse since I completely stopped drinking alcohol for the last few years. I wasn't a huge drinker anyway, but the liquid courage of even a tiny bit of alcohol did relieve that anxiety, and made it easier to do stuff with friends. Now that I don't drink alcohol I'm a little boring.
You can see about getting a benzo like Xanax or Ativan. Similar effects to alcohol without some of the downsides. They do have downsides of their own but are fine when taken sparingly.
Initially I taught myself how to be social ("normal") by reading stuff online. For finding partners and dating in particular the "seduction" type subreddits etc are good. There's a lot of bullshit and misogynistic stuff but if you can deal with that the underlying truths are sound.
Meanwhile I improved my appearance by eating right, dressing right and getting a good haircut. Again, also tons of useful info online.
Then I just forced myself to go out and practice being social. Before long I realised I could do it, to some extent. There are still some things I can't do. I hate large gatherings and "mingling". Just can't do it and never found any good advice on how to do it. But it doesn't matter, it turns out you don't need to for finding a partner. There are plenty of women who are compatible with my social preferences.
Losing my virginity seemed like a huge deal at the time and it wasn't as easy as it should have been, but afterwards I realised I'd built it up in my mind to be something much bigger than it really is. Literal idiots have sex.
I've also used online dating a lot, but it wouldn't have been as fruitful if I hadn't done the above first.
I appreciate the detailed response though I was just thinking about your question about what “the problem” being solved for is so to speak. I think judicious use of benzodiazepines could be useful if one finds them so, but certainly they deserve great care. That said, they beat alcohol for safety and alcohol use is very common.
I suppose I’ve been through a similar process as you described above but I don’t think I ever really understood what I was supposed to get out of it and why I was doing it.
Yeah maybe. I don't know anything about benzos, but I did use MDMA once or twice. It did help quite a lot actually, and I haven't had to keep taking it or anything. I haven't touched alcohol in years. I would be cautious of anything that requires continued use, which is basically any pharmaceutical.
I haven't been single for very long at all over the past 15 years, but I have very little social interaction. In the past I would force myself to go out to avoid being single and lonely. But every single time I've been in a relationship I shy away from this. I used to think I should force myself to do it, like how some people force themselves to exercise, but now I think why should I force myself to do something I don't want to do for my whole life? It's clear at this point it's part of my nature and won't change. Who am I trying to impress? I just want to be alone most of the time. It's as simple as that. I work from home 5 days a week and I've never been happier.
It's not that I hate every second of socialising but it's just not how I want to spend my life. I often tell people it's like going into a sauna. Yeah, you'll go in and enjoy it, but the most important thing is getting out. Nobody wants to spend their whole life in a sauna.